It has been about three years since I've been in the dating scene, but working at a place with an active nightlife and a big bar, so I get to witness lots of hookups and hear a LOT of stories. Very recently I had a young woman come in and she told me a story that made me hope to not be single for a very long time...
This young woman has recently moved to DFW and decided to try online dating. I am a big supporter of online dating for 3 reasons:
1. With work and other life responsibilities, it is hard to go out and meet new people.
2. When people do go out it's usually in groups and rarely do men approach groups.
3. Lets be honest: people like options. And window shopping. But I digress...
So I asked this woman how the online dating was going, and her response floored me! She said when she would give her number out to potential suitors they would text her. This isn't a big deal considering the world we live in. But it's not that they text her, it's what they did. Dick pics. That's right...dick pics!
It's one thing to send provocative photos to a significant other, it is completely different if you haven't even met the person! Is this what the dating scene is like now? I mean, I am far from a prude, and I am a woman who loves men and the male body, but I don't think penis pictures are attractive. At all. A nice body picture with rockin' abs and great arms is a lot more effective than pulling up a text and being greeted by cock'n'balls.
I am not even going to preach that it is disrespectful to send a person you haven't met a picture of your junk, but it takes an element of surprise out of dating...and honestly, it could cost the guy a date! Not because of the respect issue, but I may not like what I see...and that's just embarrassing.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Kill Them With Kindness
I have recently added a new word to my vocabulary. It is an easy word to spell and say, but comes with so many negative connotations that most women shy away from it. We feel guilty. We just want to be liked. We don't want to cause any trouble. No. Those two letters used to scare the shit out of me.
I, like many other I know will over commit, do things we don't want to, even rock some parachute pants if it means we will keep feathers from ruffling. I have been on countless second dates even though the first dates were atrocious! In the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare it's hard to just disappear. Why is this? I think women in general, and me specifically, don't like disappointing people. I want to have everyone like me, and used to think the worst feeling in the world was knowing someone was mad at me. But you know what the worst feeling in the world is? Doing something you don't want to....and didn't have to!
It's only been very recently that I have been liberated by the word "no". I go where I want, when I want, and with whom I want. I am not some heartless bitch who won't do any favors, but I definitely don't let people take advantage of me anymore. No longer do I live in fear of disappointing others, because I am no longer living my life for anyone but myself. And that is the greatest feeling ever, I totally recommend it! Killing everyone with kindness only leads to you slowly killing yourself.
I, like many other I know will over commit, do things we don't want to, even rock some parachute pants if it means we will keep feathers from ruffling. I have been on countless second dates even though the first dates were atrocious! In the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare it's hard to just disappear. Why is this? I think women in general, and me specifically, don't like disappointing people. I want to have everyone like me, and used to think the worst feeling in the world was knowing someone was mad at me. But you know what the worst feeling in the world is? Doing something you don't want to....and didn't have to!
It's only been very recently that I have been liberated by the word "no". I go where I want, when I want, and with whom I want. I am not some heartless bitch who won't do any favors, but I definitely don't let people take advantage of me anymore. No longer do I live in fear of disappointing others, because I am no longer living my life for anyone but myself. And that is the greatest feeling ever, I totally recommend it! Killing everyone with kindness only leads to you slowly killing yourself.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
If You Have To Cry, Go Outside
In today's society, being a woman means wearing a lot of different hats. We are expected to cook like an Iron Chef, clean like the Hilton maid service, raise perfect children, be CEO's, and have enough time (and energy) to workout so our bodies look like we're one of the Kardashians. It's pretty exhausting, but if you think about it, very liberating. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially being a young woman trying to still figure "life" out, but I think it's a privilege to be a woman. I am capable of so much and have high expectations to meet.
With those expectations comes some hypocrisy sometimes. If, as a woman, I get emotional about work I am perceived as "weak". "If you have to cry, go outside," as some would say. But, on the other hand, if I am emotionless, I am perceived as a bitch. There has got to be some kind of middle ground! Emotion isn't necessarily weakness, but a lot of time is passion. And on the other hand, being stern or emotionless shouldn't label me a bitch, it could mean I am calculating...which is WAY worse than bitchiness!
I guess part of entering womanhood, other than realizing the power of the Wonderbra, is learning to strike that balance. Some days I'm a better chef than maid, while others I am in CEO-mode more than mommy mode. But part of being a woman means bringing passion and emotion to whatever hat I happen to be wearing at the moment...and if for some reason I have to cry, I go outside.
With those expectations comes some hypocrisy sometimes. If, as a woman, I get emotional about work I am perceived as "weak". "If you have to cry, go outside," as some would say. But, on the other hand, if I am emotionless, I am perceived as a bitch. There has got to be some kind of middle ground! Emotion isn't necessarily weakness, but a lot of time is passion. And on the other hand, being stern or emotionless shouldn't label me a bitch, it could mean I am calculating...which is WAY worse than bitchiness!
I guess part of entering womanhood, other than realizing the power of the Wonderbra, is learning to strike that balance. Some days I'm a better chef than maid, while others I am in CEO-mode more than mommy mode. But part of being a woman means bringing passion and emotion to whatever hat I happen to be wearing at the moment...and if for some reason I have to cry, I go outside.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Bling, Brides, and Babies...Oh My!
Being that I am in my (ahem) mid-twenties, it seems that every day there is a new engagement, wedding, or pregnancy bombarding my Facebook newsfeed. Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy for everyone's joyous news, but it makes me wonder...am I behind in life? I have a fantastic boyfriend whom I love very much, we share a home together, and have raised two high maintenance puppies. But there's no ring on my finger, and definitely no baby on the way for a few years.
I am slowly learning that one of the advantages of being an adult and being able to run your own life is just that...having the freedom to decide the direction my life will go, and when it goes there. Despite my mom's "life timeline" she made for me (engaged at 26, married at 28, first kid at 30), I am enjoying exactly where I am in my life right now.
I know eventually I will have that wedding that I have been secretly planning on my Pinterest board, and I will one day have a fiery red headed baby to call my own, but for now I am perfectly content being a girlfriend and the kind of mom who can sleep through the night.
I am slowly learning that one of the advantages of being an adult and being able to run your own life is just that...having the freedom to decide the direction my life will go, and when it goes there. Despite my mom's "life timeline" she made for me (engaged at 26, married at 28, first kid at 30), I am enjoying exactly where I am in my life right now.
I know eventually I will have that wedding that I have been secretly planning on my Pinterest board, and I will one day have a fiery red headed baby to call my own, but for now I am perfectly content being a girlfriend and the kind of mom who can sleep through the night.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Fit Is The New Skinny
About a year ago I embarked on a life changing journey to self-improvement. I wasn't fat, but I was getting there, and I was definitely unhealthy. So, I started researching diets: Atkins, South Beach, Grapefruit...there were a million and they all promised the same thing: to get me skinny. But I didn't want to be skinny, I wanted to be healthy. I know my body type, and it is not one of a waif-like supermodel. So I started doing the craziest thing ever...eating right and exercising. Such a new idea! No one has ever mentioned it before!
I started by downloading a calorie counter on my phone. Most people use this as a way to "limit" themselves, but I used it as a way to educate myself...about myself. It made me take a hard inventory of what exactly I was putting into my body on a daily basis. Starbucks, Chik-Fil-A, random cookies and candies...they really started to add up.
Once I had my inner fat kid in front of me in black and white, I knew I had to make a change. It started slowly, like going to the gym to use the elliptical only when my favorite Real Housewives episodes were on. I started substituting (as much as possible) candy with apples, melons, and bananas. Cut sodas...well, again, as much as possible, and started getting my energy from coffee (made at home to save money!) or green tea. Slowly I started to crave water, if I hadn't been drinking enough, fruits if I wanted something sweet, and replaced my usual ground beef for ground turkey and chicken.
Almost immediately the pounds started coming off! I was pleased, but mainly I liked hearing how "good I looked" from my friends and family. Yet, I still wasn't happy with myself, and no amount of compliments or baggy clothes could change that. So, I started looking into working out. Actual exercising...not just watching TV shows on the stationary bike. My boyfriend Jeremy helped me a lot with this part.
He showed me two websites: cutandjacked.com and bodybuilding.com, and I customized several workouts to fit my needs. I still do cardio and abs everyday, but I also incorporate leg exercises, chest, shoulder, and arm exercises as well. Weights can be your friend ladies!!! You cannot get toned without them!
All in all, this year has been a complete lifestyle change. Shopping at Sprouts instead of Walmart turned into wearing Smalls instead of Larges. And I'm finally feeling great about myself, maybe it's all the endorphin from working out, or maybe it's the fact that for the first time in 25 years I have started to appreciate what my body does for me. This being an "adult" thing is starting to get a little easier.
I started by downloading a calorie counter on my phone. Most people use this as a way to "limit" themselves, but I used it as a way to educate myself...about myself. It made me take a hard inventory of what exactly I was putting into my body on a daily basis. Starbucks, Chik-Fil-A, random cookies and candies...they really started to add up.
Once I had my inner fat kid in front of me in black and white, I knew I had to make a change. It started slowly, like going to the gym to use the elliptical only when my favorite Real Housewives episodes were on. I started substituting (as much as possible) candy with apples, melons, and bananas. Cut sodas...well, again, as much as possible, and started getting my energy from coffee (made at home to save money!) or green tea. Slowly I started to crave water, if I hadn't been drinking enough, fruits if I wanted something sweet, and replaced my usual ground beef for ground turkey and chicken.
Almost immediately the pounds started coming off! I was pleased, but mainly I liked hearing how "good I looked" from my friends and family. Yet, I still wasn't happy with myself, and no amount of compliments or baggy clothes could change that. So, I started looking into working out. Actual exercising...not just watching TV shows on the stationary bike. My boyfriend Jeremy helped me a lot with this part.
He showed me two websites: cutandjacked.com and bodybuilding.com, and I customized several workouts to fit my needs. I still do cardio and abs everyday, but I also incorporate leg exercises, chest, shoulder, and arm exercises as well. Weights can be your friend ladies!!! You cannot get toned without them!
All in all, this year has been a complete lifestyle change. Shopping at Sprouts instead of Walmart turned into wearing Smalls instead of Larges. And I'm finally feeling great about myself, maybe it's all the endorphin from working out, or maybe it's the fact that for the first time in 25 years I have started to appreciate what my body does for me. This being an "adult" thing is starting to get a little easier.
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